| Introduction | What does it mean to be diplomatic? | The principle of diplomacy | How to be diplomatic | Importance of being diplomatic |
How to be more diplomatic in a world where it seems there’s a constant fight to be correct?
Introduction
Never have differences stood out as much as they do in today’s world. Maybe it’s the advent of the internet and social media. It really shone a bright light on one fundamental problem of human society. We have as many differences as we have people in the world, and we don’t know how to live with that.
Today more than ever, social media has become one of the most unhealthy platforms. What’s worse, its deterioration is also a result of our human social nature.
What Does It Mean to be diplomatic?
Diplomacy originally stems from international relations. It is a skill necessary to build relationships and negotiations between countries.
Merriam-Webster defines Diplomacy as the “skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility”
To be diplomatic is to be tactful. To be tactful simply means knowing the right things to say to other people in order to keep your good relationship with them.
Diplomacy is basically the action of being respectful when handling, especially people whose perspectives differ from yours. This is an essential skill that helps maintain relationships.
Tayo Rockson defines Diplomacy as “understanding the difference around you and then finding the commonalities that exist within them” (Tayo Rockson for TEDXCoooperUnion)
What is the principle of being diplomatic?
In our daily lives, we come across people who have very distinct and very strong beliefs. Such differences especially today include religion, politics, and sexual orientation.
These difference have existed for a long time and is now coming more to light thanks to social media. We have seen people lose friends, families, jobs, and even their lives because they had different opinions.
The principle of diplomacy can and should be applied to our daily lives. Your opinions and feelings are not the universal law. Just as you feel strongly about what you believe in is the same way other people feel strongly about their beliefs as well. Does this mean these two opinions can not coexist?
In all fairness, it’s quite immature to start a brawl because someone didn’t agree with your opinions on “the left” or how bad you think “the right” is. We are humans before we are political beings.
The principle of diplomacy emphasizes that you develop the mindset that this world of over 7 billion people will not always conform to your own ways and beliefs. Therefore if you believe otherwise, you might be onto colonization.
How to be more diplomatic in everyday life
How do you actually practice being diplomatic in your day-to-day life?
1. Master self-control
Self-control is an art. It is a conscious action and it simply means the ability to control impulses feelings and desires.
In our workplaces, homes, and circles, there will be people with different orientations and beliefs. Mastering the art of controlling your emotions will help you practice diplomacy. Especially for those who feel very strongly and defensive of their perspectives. You may not be fortunate to work in a “these kinds of people only space”. But what you can do is master controlling your emotions.
Let’s assume you’re a religious person and your religion doesn’t tolerate some lifestyles. But you find yourself in a place where the living style goes against your core beliefs and religion. You stand to lose a lot if you lose your emotions and go on a condemnation spree. What will help you is the skill of managing and controlling your emotions.
2. Speak Less and Listen More
From the assumption above of a religious person in an irreligious setting. Another point to be successfully diplomatic is learning to listen more. Speak way less. Let other people do the talking and you just listen to what they have to say. Not only does talking too much lead you to become emotional, but it also ensures that you don’t overshare.
When you listen to people, you can see more to them than their orientations and beliefs. You get to see them as human. Because regardless of what they believe in, they are human with feelings and thinking processes. Maybe by attempting to understand their thinking process, you may choose to build better relationships with them regardless of their beliefs.
3. Understand language Intonations
Most people are very oblivious to how their words sound. There is a whole segment in spoken languages dedicated to intonation. This is simply the emotions and attitudes that your words and voice convey.
Wikipedia defines intonation as: “a variation in pitch used to indicate the speaker’s attitudes and emotions, to highlight or focus on an expression… or to regulate the flow of discourse”
Diplomacy heavily depends on the words that come from your mouth. You might successfully control bursting your emotions out, but if you end up saying something that is displeasing, it’s a useless struggle. Although how can you really control your emotions without controlling your words? The mouth speaks from the thoughts of the heart.
Diplomacy is an active lifestyle. You should educate yourself, if you already didn’t know, on intonations. Your words might sound offensive even without your intention. It is your job as one who intends to lead a diplomatic lifestyle, to learn to talk in a nonoffensive tone. It doesn’t just stop at your ability to control yourself and speak less/listen more. When the time actually comes to speak, the words you say and how you say them matter to your cause.
4. Be open to learning new things
Living is learning and learning is the essence of living. I believe life is all about learning, it never ends. As we earlier mentioned, speaking less and listening more is a way to practice how to be Diplomatic. Eventually, people’s mindsets are reflected in their words and actions. You can always learn a lesson or two from something someone says. Their ways don’t align with your ways but you can learn something new about them, even if you don’t consume this information.
Ask questions about the things you don’t understand. However, be careful too to not let your questions sound like an attack or debate.
Not only does asking questions reflect a willingness to learn, it automatically puts you in the perfect diplomacy spot; not conforming but learning and building respectable relationships.
We have emphasized education as a key factor for personal growth and development. Therefore, as an individual practicing diplomacy in your everyday life, understand that learning is key in diplomacy. Learning helps you understand.
Learning about the way of life of the people whose lifestyles don’t align with yours will help you coexist with them. At least you’d have the knowledge to draw personal boundaries without disrespecting others.
5. Understand the value and the power of information
Information is power. Here on rythmfiend, we talk about the knowledge you have of yourself helps build your person. This is also true for associations with other people. The information you have on people helps build better relationships with them.
Also, just like we’ve stated in the point above, willingness to learn helps build unproblematic relationships with people whose ways may differ from yours. Never underestimate how much information can help you. Understand your surroundings, the people’s cultures, etc.
For instance, a religious person in an irreligious place. Suppose the irreligious setting has a fixed celebration and the celebration doesn’t align with your faith. Just knowing the date of this fixed celebration alone will help you.
This is information. And how you act on this information determines the course of your relationship in the community. You may not agree with a way of living, but you can be respectful instead, without compromising your own values.
6. Find a common ground in differences
What is the common factor between you and the people whose values oppose yours? Your humanity. See, no one wants to be judged, no one enjoys it. As a diplomat, one thing is certain, you’re dealing with a person just like you.
Humans are beings of emotions, both negative and positive. Therefore, it is important to trade with soft languages, not harsh languages. The endpoint is to establish a relationship and understanding without flaring conflict.
Your message will be heard better if you came as a human rather than a perfect man who comes to cast judgment. Never underestimate humanity. Pride, anger, envy, and happiness, are all common things we all have in common, more than anything else. Don’t try to change other people’s beliefs, it is their identity. Moreover, your job is not to take away their identity and make them assimilate or associate with yours.
8. Be an active member of your community
One way to successfully practice diplomacy is through active participation in your community. Find out what the community is about, its strengths, and its weaknesses. there are opportunities and threats that are present and see how you can help.
However, note that the help you’re offering should be based on what the community actually needs, not what you think they need. Let the people feel heard. It’s only a colonial mindset that imposes its will on people.
Help out where it’s needed. Although they have core values different from yours, this planet is only populated by humans and the only way to grow is to learn. Before division by politics, religion, or sexuality, we are all people and should treat others as such.
Your assessment of others should never negatively influence your humanity towards them.
9. Improve your social skills
As a matter of fact, you may never truly reach the full potential of diplomacy if you have problems with expressing yourself. People with communication difficulties and anxiety may never reach a diplomatic state.
Work on your personal communication skills, and allow yourself to learn, again. Learn to properly express yourself without being overwhelmed by emotions.
Trust that in associating with people, you will always come across those who are just plain difficult. Improving your social skill is not only about expressing yourself properly but also learning to gracefully engage with difficult people without erupting into a fight. It is exhausting overall, spending time getting to know people, but with dedication, you may survive diplomacy or just go into a spiral of argument.
Importance of being diplomatic
1. It helps you understand the world. The world is bigger than us. There will always be personal differences and interpretations. Being diplomatic helps us to understand other people’s mindsets and thoughts.
2. It’s best for your peace of mind. Do you want to keep arguing about how your view is right or do you want peace of mind? That choice is all up to you. Diplomacy saves you stress. Except, of course, you’re a preacher or evangelist. You can not change people, but you can change yourself and that’s good enough. The point to having a hassle-free life. Social problems are dramatic enough as they are.
3. It helps to cope with differences that are far deeper than your capacity. In the world of business, in everyday life, diplomacy is really handy to navigate through situations. You will always meet different people. Will you say you refuse to do business with Mr. A because he is from a different political stand than yourself?
4. You solve problems without causing a fight. And you ultimately stand to gain a lot by keeping amicable relationships with other people, especially if they are necessary to your well-being, like business-wise.
