| Intro | What is “change”? | What factors make up a person’s life? | How to change | Be honest with yourself | Seek knowledge | Discipline your spirit | Bear Good fruits |
How to change your life and start over again with new beginnings. With references from Biblical teaching and Greek philosophy
INTRO
As my birthday approaches, I can’t help but wonder what the future holds for me. I’ve had the most revealing and challenging periods of my personality.
For years, I’ve walloped in self-hate created by sheer desperation.
I was/am a product of a long chain of negative communities and environments. And just like most of you, I want to change that.
I want to un-identify myself as an angry temperamental person. To change my overtly emotional reactions, to break free, and find peace and happiness. I was tired of being compulsively angry.
Of course, I found comfort in memes and short posts which encourage. You are not alone. There are deep memes that resonate with you and songs which express your utter sadness and pain. Those communities are big on social media platforms.
Inability to stop yourself from manifesting the very behaviors which make you hate yourself. It’s like your subconscious is faster than you are.
It’s frustrating, it’s annoying but it’s such an important thing. It’s to bridge you have to cross to actually grow.
Mental courage alone didn’t work. The next step for me after trying and failing so many times was to keep trying. Keep finding other solutions because I couldn’t give up on myself.
What is change?
My definition of change is as a bridge that we are constantly presented with to take us to higher levels of growth.
There are so many dictionary definitions of change. Including;
“to give a different position, cause, or direction to…to replace with another”, Merriam-webster.
A common belief is that you can’t change human nature. This is true, of course. You can’t change your natural reaction to things, good or bad.
But what you can do is manage your secondary reaction or how you express your primary reaction. In other words, to change your reaction to situations that bring out the worst of you.
What factors make up a person’s life?
Human beings are a product of their primary environment. When we are born, we are like sponges, especially in the first 7 seven years of our lives.
We absorb everything both good and evil from our immediate family and environment. In our article on Factors that affect self-identity, we extensively discuss this.
Therefore if you grew up and were raised for at least 7 years of your life in a negative environment, then the chances are high of you equally inheriting the different negative traits.
I spent more than 13 years in a home/environment of anger and war, literally. Hatred, malice, conspiracy lies, and deceit. Betrayal, abuse ( from physical, emotional, verbal, sexual). Then I was shipped to boarding school for another 4 years, and college followed soon after.
By the time I got to boarding school, I realized I had a problem with my emotional management skills. My anger and other emotions were haywire. I was terrified but I also couldn’t stop. Made some mistakes I regret to this day, genuinely.
Over time, the inability to stop morphed into gloomy depression, anxiety, and self-hate, which also led to more bad decisions and terrible company.
By the time I was in my late teens, approaching my 20s, I began seeking help online, of all places! Because everyone around me was judgemental of me and my actions. I couldn’t blame them, personally, I didn’t understand myself either.
I’ll be 24 soon and I thought I to share the steps that actually helped me change my life. It’s not to say I’m in absolute control of my emotional outburst. Indeed, far from it, but every day I’m able to try again because I want to be happy and not think of myself as a monster who deserves pain.
How to change your life and be a better person every day
Be honest with yourself
The only way you can change is by being honest with yourself. Denial and sugar-coating won’t get you places. If you have a problem, especially one that’s making you and the people closest to you unhappy.
The beginning of salvation for you is actually admitting the truth of the matter. You have a problem.
Most people would prefer to go the “if you don’t stay with me t my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best”. Of course, this is true in other contexts, but in the context of issues like personality development, that’s self-deceit.
Everyone has a best and worst side of them. We are not completely evil, we have our goods and evils because that’s what we humans are supposed to be anyway. But to live is to grow and find a balance and try your best to maintain the grey balance.
Besides, there’s nothing special about your “worst” which should make others bear with you especially when you’re not trying to help yourself.
I had to seat one day and admit to myself, “this is actually a problem, this compulsive anger you have. And something has to be done about it, can’t stay the victim, or else you’ll keep losing. You need to find a way to manage this situation”. And with this admittance, I could finally being to find change.
seek knowledge
You would be surprised at how much you could know when you seek to learn. You can learn about the most beautiful and priceless pieces of information when you actually sit to consume meaningful information. Including life-changing strategies and success formulas.
In seeking solutions, I became increasingly aware of Greek philosophers who extensively documented knowledge of human behavior, principles, and understandings of life.
Some of my favorite teachings are on Stoicism, moderation, and all-around acceptance of life.
Another thing that seeking solutions led me down to, is the very fine art of diplomacy How to say the right things to keep the peace. Don’t just stop at short social media posts, actually dedicate time to study and learning.
Embrace/Practice spirituality
After practicing the first two steps above, something kept being amiss.
I kept missing something and slipping back again.
My frustration was overpowering at that point because it seemed like fighting a losing battle.
I was born a Christian but then my understanding of religion and Christianity was very flawed. Most Christians are just identifying by paper and words, not by practice or actions.
Now, it’s a business more than a lifestyle. Most of us are judgemental and hypocritical. I went to a Christian boarding school for 3 years so I can tell about condemnation and snobby Christianity. I ran away and rebelled from Christianity for years, borderline becoming an atheist. Eventually, like every prodigal child, I found my way back. Beaten, bruised, health dead, and in pain.
One thing I want to say is before you condemn any religion, especially Christianity. Maybe, take your time to study it first. The Bible has some really calming verses. The idea of surrendering all your burdens to someone who loves you and can live in your heart is beautiful.
Yes, you can not see God, but you can always feel God. And spirituality is the bridge that you actually need to climb in order to actually change your life.
You can admit your truth, and seek and acquire knowledge. But you can’t reach deep enough without connecting to your spirit, through spirituality.
In other words, submitting your problems and worries to a higher power, Jesus Christ, and letting his “words be a lamp onto your feet”, is what you need to change your life and solve your problems.
Living in the consciousness of truth so you can take the right choices, regardless of your “first nature”. This is what spirituality does, it keeps you grounded in the consciousness of the truth. And most importantly, the grace to use wisdom (applied knowledge). Else, you’re just a prisoner of knowledge: You have knowledge but can’t seem to execute it.
Bear good fruits
In Christianity, the spirit of God gives us “fruits”. These fruits are to help us live life in the way that pleases God, the one we have submitted to, in order to change and be better people.
According to my understanding of the Bible, the only way to attain these fruits which will help you change your life is by submitting to God. After which he gives us his spirit which will constantly remind and nudge us on the right path. The fruits that this spirit bears in you are;
- Love
- Joy
- Peace
- Patience
- Kindness
- Goodness
- Faithfulness
- Gentleness
- Self-control
Genuinely looking at all these items, say it’s not what you genuinely need to change your life.
Love teaches you to forgive, let things go, and just take it easy. Learn the right way to love yourself so you in turn love others.
Despite how your immediate environment wronged you, you have to forgive them in order to live in the consciousness of truth.
The truth is that they are also victims of their human nature and if you want forgiveness you have to forgive others.
Love teaches you to forgive yourself and say positive things to yourself, and even others. And not verbal abuse.
Summary of how to change your life
God understands and knows our weaknesses. We may not understand His ways but we can trust in His word. It genuinely makes life easier when you rely on His grace.
Life is complex enough. Spirituality has helped me slow down, and practice mindful living.
Spiritual dedication allows you to bear good fruits which will help you at every point of difficulty.
When facing challenges, you can channel the fruit of self-control. When faced with opposition you can channel your fruits of kindness, and patience. You need to be realistic and realize good things take time.
Hence this is a continuous action, a new lifestyle. Wake up every day with the consciousness of the truth.
Do what you can to save yourself, including disconnecting from certain people, ( sometimes unfortunately including family members) and places.
In my case, I know I have a problem with managing my emotions, anger being one of them. So I try to channel patience in order to practice diplomacy and diffuse the situation, and calm things down before it gets too drastic. I’m not perfect but on my way. Do I fail sometimes? Yes! However, my saving grace is that God never gives up on us, we are the ones who stop trying.
Therefore, as many times as I can, I’ll try my hardest to change, daily. Keep crossing, keep growing. Keep applying knowledge and paying attention to my environment. Detecting and diffusing before it becomes too much.