| What is Oversharing? | What’s wrong with Oversharing | Signs of Oversharing | Causes of Oversharing | How to Stop Oversharing |
How to stop oversharing and talking too much. Sometimes you give away much more than you should…
Oversharing leaves hefty strings of cringe. We’ve seen the memes about oversharing and if you’re here, you’re a victim and want to learn to stop oversharing.
What is oversharing?
Wordnik.com defines “overshare” as: “to offer inappropriate disclosure of one’s personal life to others.”
When it comes down to it, Oversharing is simply the behavior of telling people more than they should know. Voluntarily, you disclose very sensitive and unnecessary private information to other people. It might be a conscious or subconscious act. You just keep talking, regardless of the response, you get from the listener.
Of course, you can bet that I was very much an oversharer. Yes, I’m still embarrassed about it today when I remember the times…
Not just to strangers, but to friends and frenemies alike. I know you might think your friends and family should be privy to knowledge of you. But knowledge is power and some friends and family may not always have the best intentions for you.
What Is The Problem With Oversharing?
Growing up can be challenging, there is so much naivety to overcome. We may do things that can leave us with negative emotions, even in the long run. Oversharing is wrong. The “over” shows that there is a problem, taking the “sharing” to the next level. One of the things I find the most problematic with oversharing is the damage it can cause.
Let me explain. Information is key, the information you have about yourself affects how you perceive yourself right? Likewise, people can also use the information to affect you. And it may not always be in a positive way.
Consider yourself a business, for example, the key to your business success is your distinctive feature, and the strategy to achieve your ultimate product or achieve business success is your blueprint. You can’t give an opposition your blueprint, they will use it to their advantage against you.
Whether we admit it or not, some friends are not really out in your best interest. They just want to be in the know of your life. It’s creepy but it’s very real. It is your duty to protect your best interest since you can’t tell what’s happening in other people’s minds.
Oversharing your plans, detailed strategy and progress with other people can make them uncomfortable. They may subconsciously develop envy for your happiness, or secretly enjoy your falls while actively trying to sabotage your happiness. Or they may also just not want to hear it.
Furthermore, always remember that negative emotions can cause people to do harmful things. It’s an unrealistic expectation to believe everyone will be genuinely happy about your progress.
Think of it like this; oversharing can cause you to be jinxed, or make you a social outcast because some people find it truly disturbing and uncomfortable. Moreso, it could put your life in danger.
In relationships with spouses and families, oversharing is also real even if you love them as much as they love you, information is very powerful.
What does oversharing look like
Oversharing as we’ve said is giving away too much information (TMI). Subsequently, it can take many forms and can manifest in different situations.
Have you ever found yourself just randomly in a conversation with a stranger or even someone you know? In the midst of the conversation, you just blurt a single dose of private and unnecessary information.
Sometimes, oversharing happens as a sign of your inability to stomach silence. You find yourself just babbling on and on, just so you won’t feel awkward.
Oversharing can also manifest in your close groups. Telling them extremely sensitive personal information. Simply because they are your “tribe”, doesn’t mean you should share private and sensitive information.
I had a friend group in my college days and our naivety of what friendship should be led to the fall of the friendship. Being friends doesn’t mean access to every single detail of the other person’s life. That naive vision of friendship leads you to share too much information with the wrong people. This is why it’s important to know people before committing to relationships with them, it could save you.
Oversharing can and does, manifest on social media. Ask yourself why you really care about a number of strangers’ opinions and acknowledgment. We share ourselves so much on social media, it’s very normal. But what’s troubling is the lack of limits to how much people share online. Loving yourself means protecting yourself and learning to stop oversharing is self-love.
I was scrolling once on Instagram and saw a video of a mum basically being cute with her son. The caption in the video stated she was excited about her toddler’s upcoming birthday. She stated his current age and the new age coming. It was a cute video. Went to the comments, positivity, and then one random stranger arguing about her toddler’s real age.
This random stranger had a private account with significantly fewer followers than following. I checked. But here was this stranger telling the mum: you’re wrong about your child’s birth date. You posted his birthdate when he was born as x date, hence, you’re lying, your child is older than what you’re saying.
The mum responded trying to defend her knowledge of her child’s birth date. In honesty, maybe I’m just overreacting, but I think it’s terribly disturbing that a random account is actually attempting to correct the mother on her child’s birth date.
Sharing your child’s birthdate on social media, or any such personal information has consequences. Why do you feel it’s okay to tell a number of strangers about your child’s allergic reaction? You making them vulnerable to dangerous people.
Sharing your paycheck, upcoming project, intimate details of your lifestyle, etc. that’s oversharing and unfortunately, most people are getting paid to overshare.
What Causes Oversharing
Logically, a behavior such as oversharing always has root causes. There must be a reason everyone in your circle knows if your husband bought you $1000 worth of lingerie. If you know the reason, then you can learn how to stop oversharing. These are some of the causes of oversharing;
People-pleasing tendencies can cause you to overshare
People pleasing is a real thing. When you are so fast and even desperate to make other people happy, even at your expense. You desperately need the approval of people at the cost of your dignity.
I have a nauseous feeling every time I remember that once upon a time, I was a pathetic people pleaser. I would tell lies to my classmates just to feel cool. Narrating made-up stories about myself to make people pay attention to me, and accept me. Giving people money I literally didn’t have, because I was so excited to be useful to someone, etc.
In order to keep other people entertained, to make yourself feel accepted, you tell them your parent’s secret or your secret, etc.
Social Anxiety
Anxiety can be very crippling. Sometimes, leads to a spiral of bad decisions. People with social anxiety find it hard to associate properly with people. They may find silence very uncomfortable and awkward. Therefore, they feel they are responsible for filling the silence up. To build a conversation, a reaction, etc. The struggle to say things to feel in the silence can lead you to say something sensitive and completely private. And this can ultimately lead you to have more worry over the tea you just spilled. Oops.
Unhappiness with yourself
Yes, more often than not, the reason we even break down our problems, (even to strangers)is that we may be unhappy, truly. We are exhausted from carrying burdens in our hearts, our confidants become our Uber drivers, colleagues, ex-partners, or ex-friends. We just break down regardless of how that makes us look. Understandably, life can get exhausting. However, telling your beans to a random problem could rationally not solve much for you. They don’t have the answers to give you true happiness
Sheer arrogance
Yes, arrogance is an emotion that can be mistaken for confidence.
Being confident is commendable, but when pride enters the mix, it turns into arrogance. You want everyone to know how you’re so great, beautiful, wealthy, and generous.
You want to demand acknowledgment by casually letting them know how much you spent on your wig, your car, your vacation trip, etc.
People will feel uncomfortable with that kind of info. It makes you a target for all sorts of things. From leeches to pocket watchers to envy, etc Intentionally sabotaging yourself is not self-love.
Poor boundaries
Boundaries are here to help you identify what is right or wrong, based on your definition of right or wrong (and basic morals of course). When you don’t set boundaries, you open yourself to all sorts of things, negative and positive. You tolerate poor behaviors and you personally dish negative and poor behaviors. The absence of concrete defined boundaries leads to oversharing, and what’s worse is you do not realize the harm you’re doing to yourself by talking to just about anyone about your life’s details.
How to stop Oversharing
Talk less and listen more
It’s a proven fact that those who speak more do the least listening. Allow other people to speak too while you listen. When you consciously put yourself in the listener’s position, it gives you the opportunity to control just how much you say. All your responses will naturally be in response to the speaker’s flow.
Also, I feel like it’s important to mention this. You should strongly resist the urge to say “me too!” Yes, we may have similar situations and experiences, but just allow the person to enjoy talking. You can enjoy the knowledge on your own or just make mental notes. “Me too”-ing can be offputting at times. Enjoy hearing other people’s opinions and thoughts, good conversations need patience. The uncontrollable urge to “me too” will cause you to overshare.
Get comfortable with silence
If everyone spoke at all times, then our faces would fall off maybe. Sometimes, people just don’t have things to say. You should accept this with grace and maybe excuse yourself.
Or if you’re even comfortable enough, you can just sit and actually enjoy the silence. If you absolutely can’t handle silence with other people, then like I’ve said, walk away politely and maybe do something with yourself in the meantime like fixing yourself a plate, getting a drink, or visiting the powder room.
Create and enforce boundaries
Creating boundaries the right way is a result of self-knowledge. When you don’t spend quality time to know your true self, you leave yourself open to external influences, good and bad. Having true self-knowledge helps you understand your strengths and weaknesses and how to overcome them, avoid them, etc.
In this case, stop oversharing, creating boundaries helps you identify what triggers you to overshare, and if you mean it, with consistency, you can successfully curb and eventually stop oversharing completely.. Don’t say your personally sensitive things to people to help people feel comfortable with you, it may be unwelcome.
Learn to Stop oversharing by being more aware of yourself
Self-love, as we’ve defined it on our blog, is being kind, patient, and considerate to yourself. It is self-love to be aware of yourself. Think about it, if you move around life mindlessly, then you’re just floating through things.
Be aware of yourself, and think before speaking. Take time to digest your words before bringing them out. If someone is asking you a personal question, think about your relationship with them before answering. Why do they care? How deep is this info they want to know? Don’t just give a reply just because you’ve been asked.
Living is truly felt by being in the moment, enjoying the present, and soaking up all the goodness of life. You can not truly enjoy life when you’re not aware of yourself.
Seek other means to express your overwhelming emotions
Seeking other means to vent out your frustration will save you from making your hairstylist your confidant. If you’re having problems with someone, I think the best person to talk to is the person, without judgments from other people influencing you. I’ve seen a case where oversharing cost a family. Be careful who you tell things to. In telling people where you get your bread, they could take the oven from you. Protect your privacy at all costs. Learn to speak with yourself or only trusted persons.
Try to create an identity for yourself that is not actively linked to your social media
Intentionally take away your happiness from prying eyes. Social media probably makes us forget to be cautious because of how mobile and easy it is to use. Sure, being cute with your husband and family is fun, showing us your pretty face is okay. But what’s not okay is taking everyone on your growth journey.
Your followers have ultimately become your family. You’ve given them the power to make you happy and make you sad. It’s quite unfortunate to see people being severely affected by social media. But it’s very irresponsible to also do nothing with the knowledge that oversharing can affect your physical and mental state. The more you give social media, the more it wants. So every time you overshare, you need to top your last one to get more likes and approval comments.
Find yourself, seek true happiness, and stop oversharing your life on social media. It has in recent years proven to be unhealthy for society overall.
