| Ugly Duckling Story | Personal Ugly duckling story | How to succeed as a late bloomer |
Ugly Duckling Tale
One of the best books I read as a child was the story “the ugly duckling”. It’s one of my best interpretations of how to succeed as a late bloomer. It is okay to be different and maybe grow slower than others.
It tells the story of a mother duck who laid 5 eggs. However, only four of them hatched into beautiful ducklings. The last egg’s colored differently from the other eggs. It was the last to hatch and when it did, it was an odd-looking duckling.
Every animal on the farm made fun of his looks and taunted him for looking different. He was however a faster swimmer, bigger than the other ducklings. He was constantly considered ostracized so much that he ran away from his family.
He tried to fit in with a gaggle of Gander. Although the group is soon attacked by a hunter with a gun and a hunting dog, the ugly duckling narrowly escapes.
Afterward, he tried to live with an old woman, a Tomcat, and a hen. Here, he faces abuse because he could not contribute anything to the house like laying eggs, so he ran away from there as well.
The ugly duckling tried to fit in with other animals but they mostly fled away from him because of his “looks”.
After enduring a harsh winter alone, he decides to give up life due to how ugly he was perceived. When he encountered a flight of elegant swans, he begged them to take his life.
However, the birds managed to convince him to take a look at his reflection in the water. He looks in and discovers he looks exactly like them. Certainly an “ugly duckling” but an elegant swan.
Related: Knowing you true self
My late bloomer tale
I believe I read this story when I was 8/9 years old. Although I might have not understood how much this book impacted my thoughts toward myself I can appreciate that now from hindsight.
This story became my gospel and wished faithfully to have a happy ending like the ugly duckling.
I’ve always been a late bloomer. In beauty, in puberty, in studies, etc. Growing up, my family taunted me for the size and shape of my lips, my teeth, and my nose.
I wasn’t spared from other adults. I remember particularly this woman who came to visit my family. Right in front of me asked in a very pitiful voice if she felt bad for my kind of nose. It sat very largely on my face, unlike my mother’s straight and well-fitted one.
I remember quietly walking back to my room and crying sadly. That was mean and I felt myself to truly be ugly. I was considered so ugly my mum said she’d exchange me in a heartbeat for my very fair and pretty cousin or my classmate who was the IT girl in the class.
These things screwed my self-esteem. For the longest time, I only looked at myself with judgment and I was always searching for flaws.
I began to notice very minute detail and flaw in my body such as my eyes. I’d discovered I had hooded eyes ( I knew the name thanks to Google). I hated them so much because I hardly saw hooded eyes in beauty standards.
Most times, they looked sad and dull and they were so yellow. My nose was obviously big, too big for my face and my lips were uneven, big, and chapped. My eyes would see me exactly like the people around me: Ugly, not good enough, replaceable, and unwanted.
Voluntarily, I’d point out my flaws to others before they could notice them. Recognized my hip dips and therefore believed me to be damned to the fate of an “un-sexy” woman.
I had no butt, my puberty was not as outstanding, it was snail slow, and I just hated it.
My wish was that my ugly ducking tale will reach its happy ending at my puberty period: I’d be immersed in new hormones and slowly morph into a new body.
But that didn’t happen and it was disheartening, to say the least.
For years, my insecurity hindered my social abilities, I was just the little weirdo who just sat in the corner looking at everyone.
I wasn’t particularly talented or active in anything. Mostly, I was too busy sulking at my ugliness and not even attempting to help myself and at that age, it’s not like I knew any better.
I could tell what made people beautiful and became obsessed with beautiful people. Just admiring them and wishing to have their best features in me, torturing myself.
I remember one day when my mum and my favorite aunt (bless her soul) were contemplating how ugly I was and if there was any hope for me.
I remember my aunty laughing and saying I was just one of those people whose beauty would show up at some point in life. When I grow up my face will look way better because some people are just like that.
Hearing that filled me with so much hope: that one day, I too would be beautiful. I looked towards that day every day till I even forgot about it.
As a teenager, your self-esteem will undeniably be influenced by a lot of factors. One such factor the opposite gender.
To the best of my knowledge, no one had a crush on me or thought I was pretty. I had crushed on several people but I knew they were way out of my league.
I remember having a crush on my seatmate in elementary school, but he was hanging out with the cooler girls. Although he was nice to me, he was definitely not interested in me. I was just a little nerd who helped him out with his classwork and assignments.
When I became a teenager I was devastated that no boy had any interest in me.
One day in high school, I was sitting under a tree with my then-best friend, and in a moment of honesty, I told her I admired her for having a great-looking body and just being pretty.
She even had a boyfriend. I told her I wish I could be as hot and pretty as she was. She just laughed mildly and then gave me the biggest ray of hope.
She told me my body would grow bigger in the future. Maybe my body is just slow.
At that moment she was like an angel to me. I held on to her words and believed them like a religion. That had to be gospel. If she said this, and my aunty also said this, then it had to be true!
Related: what is true happiness?
Is it bad to be a late bloomer?
Being a late bloomer is never a bad thing because time works differently for everyone.
From the story of the ugly duckling, I’d like to highlight a few pointers to explain my perspective of being an ugly duckling/late bloomer. It is okay to grow slower than others. You can succeed as a late bloomer, here’s why:
Differences exist
Firstly, the ugly duckling’s egg is different and hatched later than others.
Being a late bloomer means sometimes other people achieve goals before you in life.
It’s very important to get rid of the need to measure yourself with other people as yardsticks. Everyone is unique in their ways.
We have very unique situations, choices, fates, and backgrounds. We all have similarities, but hardly the same sequence of choices, fates, etc.
Everything happens when it’s the right time to. Accordingly, life is all about the element of unpredictability. Whenever situations are beyond your control, then let them be. Do the things in your control.
As a late bloomer, success is very subjective
The concept of being successful on a personal level means different things to everyone. To some people, success is reaching the top of their careers, to others, success can be having a family to which you devote your time. Knowing your true self helps you figure out what is better for you. Concepts like success, and beauty, work differently for everyone.
Your body’s way of expressing beauty is different from that of the person you’re comparing yourself with.
The minute details that constitute your situation is very much different from that of the next person.
Everything about you, from your DNA to your daily experiences constitutes who you are and the delicate nature of your situations.
Variety is the spice of life and there is variety in every element of life including experiences. Celebrate yourself as you are, while taking your time to prepare for your goals.
Life as a growing person can be very hurried and you mostly never remember to take time to appreciate where you are.
In the fit of taking everything so quickly, you may never sit down to experience the moments you’re having. The ugly duckling was physically different from the other ducklings because he was never a duckling but a swan.
You might not like the way you look because you have other standards of beauty in your mind. But once again, beauty is subjective and there are more forms of beauty than you know.
Not everyone will be a skinny beauty or a thick beauty.
Not everyone will be a wife at 22 and not everyone will have a kid at 24.
Life doesn’t end till it does. You have your whole life to keep creating your unique self.
The ugly duckling was a faster swimmer than other ducklings.
This point is very important as it shows that even while everyone was beating him down for being “ugly”, they knew and he knew he was better at something than the rest of them. A competitive advantage over other animals on the farm.
In a literal sense, everyone has something that can be great potential. It can cultivate a comparative advantage. You can be a slow bloomer in terms of physical development, relationships, career, etc. but when you take time to define yourself, you will see the good qualities and potential in yourself. This can cultivate into major strength aces.
In the case of the duckling, his strengths were his fast swimming abilities, he could take really cool dives and he flew faster than them.
Everything in life is in stages and takes turns.
For instance, if you’re a late bloomer physically, you could be a very intelligent individual. Instead of focusing on what’s not happening right now, focus on sharpening your mind and your brain. Take care of your body the right way. Over time, your body will become the best version that suits you most.
This can also be applied to any aspect of late blooming you might be experiencing. You want a relationship but it’s coming around pretty slowly. Instead, you can focus on other aspects of your life such as loving yourself. Taking care of your body, sharpening your career or skill, and the right things will fall in your life including the love you’re looking for.
Don’t rush things, or else you might make many regrettable mistakes, take things slow and do what you can.
The ugly duckling tried to fit into other circles.
You don’t belong with everybody and you must not be everything.
Oftentimes, some cases of slow blooming pressure us to do things we don’t feel comfortable with.
For the longest time, I’ve been an introvert, and I hated it because I thought extroverts were just cooler and everything “fun” of to do with extroverts. Introverts seem to have a boring life so I promised to break free when I started college.
When I did begin college, I forced myself to be social and ignored the voices and discomforts in my head. Forced myself to party, club, and spend money on impressing myself and my peers.
I can’t tell you how silly and cringe I feel towards those decisions right now or how uncomfortable I felt while doing them.
Mingling with the wrong crowd comes with consequences. I got scars from those relationships, physically, mentally, financially, etc.
To succeed as a late bloomer: Take your time to know yourself before you throw yourself into the world. Learn what you like and what you don’t like, fun and happiness can mean different things to different people, identify yourself before mingling with people.
This way, it is easy to pick out factors in your life that will not benefit you. Save yourself from dangers posed by hanging out with the wrong crowd. Just like the ugly ducking almost got killed while hanging out with the Gander.
The ugly duckling almost gave up on himself.
Feelings of rejection and delay are very overwhelming emotions. Subjecting yourself to constant criticism and negative talks can have a very damaging effect on your health.
The ugly duckling has lived most of his formative years around negativity and there wasn’t much he could do about it. The process of leaving his homeland and sojourning to find his place in the world was not as easy as we can imagine.
This is a journey of finding one’s self and unlearning everything you know. Testing out different theses and philosophies, experiences, peoples, beliefs, and cultures, till you make the adjustments that fit you. This process can be overwhelming especially when you’re alone.
To succeed as a late bloomer, surround yourself with people who share the same values as you. Those who encourage you to be better, just like the other swans did for the ugly duckling.
They helped him see he was not an ugly duckling but rather a beautiful swan who had identity crises because he grew up in a place where he was the only one of his kind. Practice self-love by being patient with yourself.
The ugly duckling found his place among swans.
The whole time, the ugly duckling was never a ducking but a swan. Finding a place among people who share the same values and principles as you, plays an important role in accepting yourself.
Have role models and mentors, and surround yourselves with like-minded people. The story of the ugly duckling emphasizes the adage:
“ birds of a feather flock together “.
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There is no way a swan would have ever fit in with farm ducks.
The first step the ugly duckling took was to leave the place where he knew as home. Home means different things to different people. Importantly, I’m not asking you to leave your home for no reason.
If your “home” is causing you to think negatively of yourself or put unnecessary pressure on yourself, then that home isn’t for you. Home can be family or friends, close circles.
Dissociate yourself from people who are not trying to help you become better, and whose lifestyles don’t align with your lifestyle.
Are your friends constantly reminding you of your slow puberty? Do your family and friends mock you for not having a job yet? or being single or not having a child yet? then they are not your friends, they’re not the ones for you.
People who genuinely love you will never go against everything love is and love is kindness, not mockery.
Make new friends, and be your friend. spend quality time with yourself.
Love yourself, talk to yourself, and define yourself. This way you can filter your crowds and associations better till you create your circle of like-minded individuals. They are respectful of each other and just want the best for themselves and others.
Closing remarks on succeeding as a late bloomer
The story of the ugly duckling is a story that shows an important aspect of human society: Division, and separation.
Many things define your story. Human society can be quite unfair to those who they feel do not fit in with their standards of beauty, wealth, race, religion, politics, norms, and culture.
There is always classicism, tribalism, racism, etc. A beautiful part of the transformation is becoming a version of yourself that you accept. Not those who mock and taunt you.
The beautiful part about transformation is finding yourself, accepting yourself, realizing, and living in your truth. Your truth is not the same as everyone’s, it’s not a trend.
The ugly duckling didn’t become a beautiful duck but he realized he was a Swan and had been a cygnet born into a duck nest by accident.
This goes to show that you the most beautiful version or the best version of yourself could be hindered by your immediate surrounding.
The ugly ducking was considered ugly because he looked different in a simple farm filled with simple farm animals. No one looked like him on the whole farm.
Similarly, in my personal experience, I grew up believing in my ugliness. Everyone around me seemed to focus there so I followed suit.
I was only ever able to accept myself when I left my original environment, tried many times to fit in other places till I found the place which is best for me.
Everything will fall into place when you identify the factors and move from the place which keeps you down.
I believe in and appreciate delayed gratification. It creates room for appreciation for things that you genuinely craved but never had immediately.
Everything I never had but wanted, I appreciate their values so much right now.
Don’t stop moving, keep creating the ideal version of yourself. The goal is slow and steady to appreciate the journey and end it with grace.